Late night ramblings

I wonder what he looks like, and what he sees when he walks through a park, 
I wonder about the colour of his eyes and whether they’re light or dark, 
I wish to know of his dreams and desires and of his deepest fears, 
I wish to feel the warmth of his breath as he whispers in my ears, 

If only I could hold his hand right now and trace the lines on the skin of his palm,
If only I could have his sweet embrace, and fall asleep into his arms, 
I wonder too if he loves his family, if he greets the stars at night, 
If he appreciates the written word and avoids those pointless fights, 

Maybe freckles line his cheeks and maybe they do not,
Perhaps his hair is short and neat, perhaps it billows long,
Who and what this man might be is always on my mind,
'Where?' is the main question though, so far he’s been hard to find…
And soon, some day, we shall meet and our smiles will mirror each others, 
And some bless-sed day, we shall kiss and sleep, with hearts beating under the covers.

4am

Here I sit at 4am, perched at a windowsill,
Engulfed by the blackness of the night, so alive and honest and real,
Behind the glass a birds song sings and echoes in my ears,
It pulls my thoughts to calmer places, where peace and whispers live

The edges of the skies are burning,
Set a light and slowly growing,
Like the ocean's waves as high tide rolls in,
And the shores that keep on flowing

Still, small shards of stars shine on as one light cloaks another,
A delicate breeze awakens the trees like a child to it's mother,
I see my hand held up in desire, the morning chill now on my flesh,
There's an undeniable urge to wander and it beats strongly in my chest

And in this very moment now the thought arises of a fellow being,
Perched somewhere at a window sill, at 4am in the morning.

The light

For years and years, from now to an infant, one compliment by strangers remains,
They steal each other's words and will never know they speak the same,
They tell me I am light, that I am like the shine the sun emits,
They tell me they never see me sad, that the smile on my face is what fits

I'm not sure they ever listen though, when I say I do not see this glow,
I'm not sure they've even seen me weep, about the secrets they do not know,
Perhaps there's been one or two let in, to swim through my ocean's depths,
But sadly there are many in the shallow end, and that's where they like to be kept

One of them even labelled me as the happiest person they'd ever seen,
Yet they notice nothing of the sorrow that seems to thrive inside of me,
And though this all sounds similar to a dramatic, misunderstood girl,
There's little to none to complain about when it comes to this beautiful world

And perhaps I should be grateful...and perhaps I should accept,
That others can see the light in me, the light I've never met.

False hope

I get my hopes up once again; they’re as high as they can go,
Lost inside this day dream land where my love freely flows,
I watch his eyes and his charming smile and my heart begins to dance,
Yet it lays down its life just as quick because it knows it has no chance.

A still September Noon

Crickets pause to breathe at the sound of my weary, hesitant feet,

Birds sing their night time songs as the day begins to sleep,

Glowing trees, once set fire by the sun, transform to silhouettes,

The Stars are here to greet me now, to show they didn't forget

I hear the jarring calls of cars, of trucks and of mighty planes,

Of a society that is so corrupt that in their minds- only money remains,

I flee down familiar suburban streets with doors locked and dogs on guard,

Reminiscing on the days I would play here as a curious and carefree child

Now I taste the sweet smell of spring on my parched and smiling lips,

For the memories that dance here in front of me are my most treasured and precious gifts,

I marvel as to where the wonder has gone, and why so many lack to see it,

Perhaps they are blind from the pollution haze that this infested city emits

To think of all the galaxies that swarm the skies above,

To begin to even fathom that with this universe, we are one,

To look into a child’s eyes and to see the world they see,

To gaze back into the mirror and not know who’s facing me...

These thoughts run rampant through my mind on such a still September noon,

Where I've paused, like the crickets, to sit and wait, until the sun bows down for the moon.

today.

Tired eyes and aching bones,

Falling smiles and painful woes,

Masks to cover every bruise,

Battling the demons inside of you

2am dreaming

I endured tired bones and countless yawns to be swallowed by the thought of you,
2am dreaming of times that could've been if my heart had won the war against my mind,
And now I lay in empty sheets and dream of your scent and your smile,
And the simple image of you still lingers behind these vacant eyes.

Oceanic Soul

Some days I feel like the ocean is inside of me,

Churning and heaving and explosive like the sea,

I lie amongst the waves and struggle to breathe,

Slowly sinking into the abyss, where the coral and I will meet,

I reach my arms out- surrendering

I don’t resist, I am accepting

I am swallowed by everything I am and have been,

I am consumed by my thoughts- suffocating.

John Keats intrigues me:

On Death by John Keats

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream, 
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by? 
The transient pleasures as a vision seem, 
And yet we think the greatest pain's to die. 
How strange it is that man on earth should roam, 
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake 
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone 
His future doom which is but to awake. 

It is late and I am glad of it;
outside - the stars are swarming,
blended together and speckled across cloaked skies,
a glimmering universe burning like small candles
dangling from an infinite ceiling.

The thought of you

I take all of your words on my shoulders and say nothing in return,
storing them in my mind and letting them burn. 
I watch the colours in your eyes and the way your lips curl, 
when you whisper to me what I already know, that to guys I'm just another girl

I reach to touch you yet I feel so far and at the same time strangely close, 
there’s still secrets in my head and you assume they’re all gone,
but the hidden ones are worse

I can’t take the mess that’s inside my mind and the white noise that fills my ears, 
vacant eyes and empty arms, 
broken pasts and endless tears.

Still caught up, won’t let go,
all these memories are keeping their hold,
can’t get away, can’t break free,
This is what the thought of you has done to me.