aurora - into the light

She enchants me, with her soft spoken voice and her hair and her eyes, her clothes, her mannerisms, her words and insights, she is a real human dream, an ethereal soul.

books - words from inkheart

The world was a terrible place, cruel, pitiless, dark as a bad dream. Not a good place to live in. Only in books could you find pity, comfort, happiness - and love. Books loved anyone who opened them, they gave you security and friendship and didn't ask anything in return, they never went away, never, not even when you treated them badly.

fear

fear walks with me
with every thought of love
with every hope
it is there.

fear latches on
to my heart
and my feelings
and my dreams
of experiencing a life with another

I see it...
I see it there in my future,
but I hold back.
I sabotage.
I withdraw.
to a place where trust does not exist
to a place where another being
usually cannot reach.

I shake myself
I stare,
and I wait,
for this small girl inside of me to let go
of all the fear
that she thinks is keeping her safe.

to the evening star, william blake

Thou fair-haired angel of the evening,
Now, whilst the sun rests on the mountains, light
Thy bright torch of love; thy radiant crown
Put on, and smile upon our evening bed!
Smile on our loves; and, while thou drawest the
Blue curtains of the sky, scatter thy silver dew
On every flower that shuts its sweet eyes
In Timely sleep. Let thy west wind sleep on
The lake; speak silence with thy glimmering eyes,
And wash the dusk with silver. Soon, full soon,
Dost thou withdraw; then the wolf rages wide,
And the lion glares through the dun forest.
The fleeces of our flocks are covered with
Thy scared dew; protect them with thine influence.

olbers' paradox - lawrence ferlinghetti

And I heard the learned astronomer
whose name was Heinrich Olbers
speaking to us across the centuries
about how he observed with naked eye
how in the sky there were
some few stars close up
and the further away he looked
the more of them there were
with infinite numbers of clusters of stars
in myriad Milky Ways and myriad nebulae

So that from this we may deduce
that in the infinite distances
there must be a place
there must be a place
where all is light
and that the light from that high place
where all is light
simply hasn't got here yet
which is why we still have night

But when at last that light arives
when at last it does get here
the part of day we now call Night
will have a white sky
with little black dots in it
little black holes
where once were stars

And then in that symbolic
so poetic place
which will be ours
we'll be our own true shadows
and our own illumination
on a sunset earth

come lie with me and be my love - lawrence ferlinghetti

Come lie with me and be my love
Love lie with me
Lie down with me
Under the cypress tree
In the sweet grasses
Where the wind lieth
Where the wind dieth
As night passes
Come lie with me
All night with me
And have enough of kissing me
And have enough of making love
And let our two selves speak
All night under the cypress tree
Without making love

excerpt // the merry-go-round in the sea, randolph stow

He followed, crunching the big dry leaves. He was thinking of time and change, of how, one morning when he must have been quite small, he had discovered time, lying in the grass with his eyes closed against the sun. He was counting to himself. He counted up to sixty, and thought: That is a minute. Then he thought: It will never be that minute again. It will never be today again. Never.
   He would not , in all his life, make another discovery so shattering.
He thought now: I am six years and two weeks old. I will never be that old again.
   He thought, often, of himself, of who he was, and why. He would repeat to himself his name, until the syllables meant nothing, and all names seemed absurd. He would think: I am Australian, and wonder why. How had he come to be himself, living in this town?

recipe for happiness in khabarovsk or anyplace, by lawrence ferlinghetti

One grand boulevard with trees

with one grand cafe in sun

with strong black coffee in very small cups

One not necessarily very beautiful man or woman who loves you

One fine day.

silly little love notes

I would give it all to you,
if you were to tie your soul with mine,
it is not enough to love you through the telephone line.

//

I worry about nobody else ever understanding me
the way I feel you do,
I worry that with someone else,
I could never be so consumed,
and what I worry about the most,
is if these feelings are overwhelming you.

//

What have you done to me?
with your words
and your smile
and your intellectual mind.
I will be walking through a city alone,
and feel as if someone is by my side,
it seems my heart feels linked with yours,
and my soul feels it too,
but it is hard to understand,
because I am not with you.

//

I wish to scream I love you's,
and to escape to distant lands,
to forget about all the people,
and simply hold your hand,
I'm picturing us in cities,
in airports and in planes,
then watching the northern lights display,
while we sleep beside mountains.
I imagine us in op shops,
picking out rings with a life of their own,
and dancing around to our playlists,
when we get bored at home.
I picture us not being understood,
and not caring what others think,
I picture us being happy,
and taking care of each other when sick,
I can picture all of our adventures,
all of your facts,
and all of your jokes,
I picture all our explorations,
around this beautiful earth.

//

You are the type that makes themselves a home,
inside your heart as you roam.
Am I too far away to hold your heart?
The door to your home is always closed.

rhythm of cancer by Astarius Miraculii from his book "feast of the zodiac" wisdom of astrology

I am Cancer - of the oceans
Liquid messenger of feeling
Parent waters of a universe
Reflected skies in me revealing
That “As Above, So Below”
Through light of sun, the moon glows
Through liquid light, the fire flows

I’m different ways, for different days
A living blend, of changing trends
God harmony unfold, in the moods of my soul
That spirit fire, may take me higher

I can be a mirror
Casting anyone’s reflection
A friend and family ally
Standing up for their protection
I can be his joy,
And suddenly her sorrow
Your wants, it’s needs,  God's love, my plead
For Hope...unto tomorrow 
From peace O let me borrow

Receptive, selective, strongly protective
But cease this clinging & smothering love
Distrust & self pity, must now be corrected
Hurt feelings be drowned in a sea of love,
Intuitive, sentimental, loyal, forgiving
Visionary, historian, affectionate one
Generous, traditional, the past re-living
Lord over the moon, who’s light is the sun

Journey upward, my intention,
To get back home on lights ascension,
Home to me is everything
It is the place where I am king
Prince, Princess & royal Queen
Mother of life, indeed I am
For good of all, I am concerned.
My heart a tool, in the father's hand,
For mother’s love, the people yearn
To care and share, a Cancer heart burns
But a mother’s love, we all must learn

For we are the guardian of the birth
Of every great thing upon this earth
The fate of a planet, we hold in our hand
We are the womb, of the master plan...
I am Cancer.

the truth

I think about you all the time,

even though you're not here,

and even when we don't talk, 

I always feel you near

You manage to make me laugh a lot,

which isn't that hard to do,

but jokes always seem different,

when they're coming from you

I just want to say how I appreciate,

all of the times we have shared,

and all of the moments you have listened,

and shown me that you care

I don't think you realise,

just how much I value our friendship,

our conversations, our connection,

or whatever this all is

I have always thought you were special,

and I have no real idea why,

but since we started talking,

there has been something about you,

that I just can't deny.

And maybe I have been wrong to trust you,

and maybe I have not, 

all I know is that you will always be,

my Fantastic Mr Fox.

varðeldur: a poem I was given

"Close your eyes
See the light
Dark light on closed lids.
Open your mind
Find your love
She smiles behind soft lips.
Sink deeper under consciousness.

She seeks you out to lose your mind
She sees you now behind her eyes
Her music flows into your sound
You see her eyes within your mind.
She fills your every breath
She breathes life into death
She smiles at flying light
She lights the dark in night.

You feel her sighing
You hear her singing
Like white gulls calling
On white shores flowing
To a swift sun rising
On a far green country
Deep into the west.
She sings you into sleep
Fast falling into deep
Behind closed eyes she lingers
Inside your mind she enters
Never leaving
Ever breathing
Life into your death.

She floats on the air of your lungs
And sinks underneath.
Her light reflecting
Through your hearts water
Onto dreaming walls
And now you know
In your heart she glows.

Before you die she grows inside
Your fading mind
Her falling smile
Your dying sound
Of angels round
Ethereal arms
Open wide.
You find her
Inside you
Below you
Beside you.
The grey veil fades
To silver clouds
A white horizon
A distant sound,
Of a white sea calling
Shadows falling
Fear now passing
Only sleeping.
Open your eyes."

the moon (date written unknown)

I give myself to her, to the moon.
Letting her soak up all of the sadness that I have collected.
She takes it away and churns it out into the vast space around her.
Where it cannot reach me now.
She is so generous, isn't she?
So loving.
My heart rejoices at the feel of her rays on my skin.
As if she has seeped into every pore.
As if I am her.
If only for a moment.

the sun ( date written unknown)

I give myself to him, to the sun.
He sets me alight.
Burning and burning and burning.
Like the pavement in summer.
The heat pours from me.
The anger.
The pain.
He takes it all away.
All of it.
And shoots it into space.

With the sun, I feel warm again.
I feel less alone.
I feel like I am okay.
I feel like I am home.

words from the 14th of May 2014

I look at myself in photographs.
In mirrors.
In memories.
And I do not know who I am,
or who that person was or is.
I do not see myself in those people.
At times, not even in the woman who bore me.
Nor in the man who helped her.
Nor in the boys who stole my lips many times over.
Nor in myself.

I am disconnected.
I find myself in strangers.
In places that do not exist.
In corners.
In the emptiness.
Where I am not defined.
Stereotyped.
Judged.
Confined.
Where I just am.
And that is okay.

All we ever really have is memories.

I found an old book of mine today, and inside it was filled with lyrics, poems, writings of thoughts I had. It is strange to read something and  remember things, even if I don't want to remember.

beginnings

I breathe,
And all at once,
I am filled with joy.

It is a new dawn,
Clouds stretch far across the sky,
Twirling between blues and pinks and lavenders.
They are glorious,
Breathing and dancing to their own pace,
their own sense of free.
and here I am,
Amongst it all,
Staring blankly,
Blessed.

Freedom

Darling, lets not get stuck in this old town.
Lets fight the tides so we don't drown.

They'll try to smother our hearts and eyes,

And attempt to blind us with societies lies,

Blank walls will engulf us and lock us in,

I want to break free and forget everything,

The ocean awaits, the mountains call,

Freedom exists but it's not here at all,

They promise a day off, a break, a breath,

But the day that you get it you take one last step,

And now you're falling into light and dark,

Which way is down and which way is up?

The moment has gone and the moment has left,

You've wasted your life on one hopeful breath,

Paused in reality while your heart's in the clouds,

Dreaming of a life that you're not allowed,

You should've acted and you should've escaped

There was no way you could've won their race,

We were two adventurers, we could've run,

We could've beat them by chasing the sun,

A life on the road, a life full of love,

A life full of freedom, we could've won.