the moon (date written unknown)

I give myself to her, to the moon.
Letting her soak up all of the sadness that I have collected.
She takes it away and churns it out into the vast space around her.
Where it cannot reach me now.
She is so generous, isn't she?
So loving.
My heart rejoices at the feel of her rays on my skin.
As if she has seeped into every pore.
As if I am her.
If only for a moment.

the sun ( date written unknown)

I give myself to him, to the sun.
He sets me alight.
Burning and burning and burning.
Like the pavement in summer.
The heat pours from me.
The anger.
The pain.
He takes it all away.
All of it.
And shoots it into space.

With the sun, I feel warm again.
I feel less alone.
I feel like I am okay.
I feel like I am home.

words from the 14th of May 2014

I look at myself in photographs.
In mirrors.
In memories.
And I do not know who I am,
or who that person was or is.
I do not see myself in those people.
At times, not even in the woman who bore me.
Nor in the man who helped her.
Nor in the boys who stole my lips many times over.
Nor in myself.

I am disconnected.
I find myself in strangers.
In places that do not exist.
In corners.
In the emptiness.
Where I am not defined.
Stereotyped.
Judged.
Confined.
Where I just am.
And that is okay.

All we ever really have is memories.

I found an old book of mine today, and inside it was filled with lyrics, poems, writings of thoughts I had. It is strange to read something and  remember things, even if I don't want to remember.

beginnings

I breathe,
And all at once,
I am filled with joy.

It is a new dawn,
Clouds stretch far across the sky,
Twirling between blues and pinks and lavenders.
They are glorious,
Breathing and dancing to their own pace,
their own sense of free.
and here I am,
Amongst it all,
Staring blankly,
Blessed.